I’m sitting with a cat crammed in my lap, between my sternum and the edge of my desk, doing circles to get comfortable, not unlike what I assume it is like to be with fetus (Jesus Christ, child, there is not enough room for you to do that backflip to a round-off to impress the Russian judge). Hence, my glorious title.
Well, here’s a list of things accomplished in my bathroom so far:
- New shower installed (by an actual plumber),
- Flooring ripped out,
- New lighting installed.
Note: most of this room is going to look nicely Pottery Barn: whitewashed wood, gray walls (Behr’s “Gentle Rain”), antiqued-looking finishes. But the lighting is like a flexible track lighting with halogen bulbs. This lighting would look amazing in a gallery, or a mod office, or a studio. But not in a Pottery-Barn-esque bathroom. The light is too cold for a bathroom, too blue. That, and the way one of the bulbs is placed, you’re going to burn yourself a bald spot when you’re doing some of your natural functions.
Like I said, it’s cool lighting, but not for this room.
Here’s a list of things that are not done, or in the process:
- Paint the walls,
- Nail in the beadboard,
- Install the heater,
- Install a floor,
- Install a vanity,
- Install a toilet
- Tile the shower.
I want this shit done: yesterday. I have a shower, oh yes, but I have no sink, and no toilet. I need to call Mike Rowe up in this piece, because I have a veritable poo-hole in the floor that would do Dirty Jobs some justice. Best part? No new toilet for at least a week.
I’m so put-upon. You people have no idea.